The burden of free time...

Usually free time is a good thing but every once in a while it causes me additional stress (to my already super-stressfull life). This is one of those instances. Brendan and I stopped by the computer lab to do an engineering assignment while we wait an hour for Matt and Dan so we can study for another class. We thought this assignment would take some time but we finished in about 1 minute...it was just a survey. So now I have 59 minutes of "free time". So now comes the additional stress. Do I give myself 59 minutes to do what I want, a reward for finishing a tough assignment so fast, or do I start on one of the other dozen things that I really need to get done:

- two midterms Monday
- start on strenght of materials without Matt and Dan...and Brendan.
- apply for more jobs
- exercise
- essay on Guns, Germs, and Steel
- probably some other things that I should be doing but just can't think of now.

Even if I decide to do none of these and just surf the net instead I can't enjoy my "free time" because all of these other things are weighing on my conscience. Thankfully I have a special weapon, a conscience blocker.

This doesn't mean that I can go on a killing rampage and feel no guilt, it means that I have the ability to not feel bad about my situation. I can let myself, just for a short time, forget about all my responsibilities, duties, and MIDTERMS. I've tried to teach my technique to Jeff a few times, he could really benefit from this. The poor guy can barely pick himself up off the floor some days with that amount of stuff that he's chosen to carry on his shoulders....although, Jeff has been very cheerful this last semester.

I don't use my conscience block during school most of the time but there are other times where it is almost crutial for my mental health. That is going to sleep at night and driving. I've decided that a full night of rest is WAY more valuable than any good that can come from fretting about the looming deadline of a test or project. Having my mind clear while driving is even more important, especially lately. I drive so little now that when I do get behind the wheel it feels slightly foreign. I'm not going to ram you from behind but I have to pay much attention to lights, pedestrians, and planning routes than I do when driving often.

So will this always work for me? I don't know. Even those these problems are big in my life now, I'm not naive enough to think they're the biggest problems I'll ever have (teenage girls...and some guys...get way to bent out of shape over stupid stuff that doesn't seem stupid at the time). Just wait until I have a mortgage, kids, gold-digging wife, and a nice pink piece of paper in my work mailbox. Will jump off a building? No. Will I be able to go to my happy place? No. That will be the day I buy a porche and/or take up boxing.

Well, my free time is coming to an end. Time to get back to my academic reality and start trying to figure out why my Mec 480 proof thinks twisting plates of metal is so cool.